putting the ME in momMe

cute, ain't she?

that devilish little smile. she is a little devil, that is for sure.

8:30am, i hear her squawking over the monitor. usually i hear her rolling around a little then start crying. but not this particular morning. this particular morning, it sounds more like she's fake crying.

like "waaaa" ::looks around to see if anyone is coming to get her:: ""waaaaaaa" ::looks around again. still no one?:: "WAAAAA!!!"

but never a real cry. just like she is yelling, "hey mom! get in here and see what i just learned!"

so i go in, and see her.....doing this. and grinning ear to ear. like the little stinker she is.

i hate to admit it but, while i am overwhelmingly proud of my little munchkin, i am also terrified of her new confidence in her ability to pull herself up. and now shimmy across the furniture. this means a lot. it means she is growing up (way too fast) and it means more bumps and bruises. it means more frustrated wails when she gets "stuck" half way up on the couch. it means more baby proofing. and it means less autonomy for me.

yep. i said it. i am a selfish mommy who would like a little freedom. it's a sad fact of reality that balancing the tables between "mommy" and the person i used to be is almost a full time job in and of itself. before i got pregnant with that little lady, all i wanted was to be a mommy. i had many hats i wore-wife, daughter, friend, athlete, swimmer, teacher. but the one i wanted more than any of those (except maybe the wife-daughter-friend trifecta), was mommy. and this was compounded by the fact that i couldn't be a mommy right away, and even more so when i saw all the people around me having babies.

and i LOVE my new job. i don't even want to call it a job, because it makes me so happy, and no job is as rewarding or beautiful or magical as being a mommy has been.

but now, since bella has found this new "dangerous" activity of scaling the couch, and, her favorite, the glider ottoman, which often sends her sailing across the floor as i leap up to catch her, i find myself having fewer and fewer moments truly to myself.

honestly, there are ways to solve this problem. put her in the pack-n-play, put her in her excersaucer, but about 10 minutes in to either of those activities, she finds herself unable to go anywhere, and she starts screaming. i don't know about you, but the sound of a screaming baby kind of puts me on edge. the kid does NOT like to be confined. i don't blame her. like my husband so aptly pointed out, "you wouldn't like it if you were tied up and stuck in a fence either." he was actually referring to our old dog daisy who was an escape artist, but it is still fitting.

i am not complaining. really, i'm not. i am the first one to encourage her to keep going, and grab the next rung higher on the motor skills ladder. but i definitely think i underestimated how much that would cost me.

::insert ooey gooey mommy feeling, that makes you go awwww.....::

i wouldn't change a thing. i just have to get a little more creative.